The time is fast approaching for my boy to start school and what a range of emotions I am starting to feel. It's like an emotional roller coaster that's for sure and I'm now beginning to change my mind daily about the options we have, which are fairly limited at that.
In times like this I turn to my little blog - to get it all out of my system, read it back and then hope I actually get a little clarity on what to do next and hopefully some lovely words of wisdom from my wonderful readers.
To cut a long story short (I promise I will try to keep it brief but if you're still here at the end - well done), here's the deal:
▲ My boy is an August baby - he's not even four yet. We know already he's the youngest of his class and I'm pretty sure the entire reception year. Please no one tell me that it doesn't make much of a difference as it evens out in the long run - there is a pretty big difference now. Some of the others have 11 months on him - that's a lot of months at this age, not to mention the sheer size of the October children in his current class at the moment! Then you have the whole tiredness factor - my boy still gets extremely tired at his two half-day sessions at nursery, whereas the older ones there seem to be coping in doing a lot more hours than my little one can manage.
▲ An August baby starting school petrifies me enough already, but then throw in a little one that has health issues on top of everything else. Is it any wonder I'm starting to worry. We need daily feedback on a few things and are they going to do what they say they will? Can they with 30 children to cater for? I'm not convinced. How's he going to fare with this on top. I'm trusting somebody else to care for my child all week. That's hard.
▲ What makes it a million times worse is that we didn't get our first choice 'outstanding' village school I had my heart set on. They were going to give us the option of a whole year to work up to full-time. The current one (if we actually go for it) are saying only two weeks. Instead we have a large school, a very large 'good' school with a very good reputation but it's big and it's starting to freak me out. I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation but I'm not sure I can send him there. I don't know how he will cope with that.
▲ We met our teacher and luckily I think she seems very kind and gentle - that's the saving grace. I like her and I can tell my boy will like her. But we seem to have the worst classroom, it looked a little dreary for my liking and I'm not sure about a couple of kids that are going to be in the class!
▲ How my boy will adjust to going full-time, all day, everyday. His way of learning is outdoors on adventures with mummy. I have no clue how he will react when he realises that actually he has to go five whole days a week and that our adventures are only for weekends and school holidays. Even my husband who is a very laid back man is pretty worried about this! He isn't sure it's going to go down that well with our boy and that's putting it mildly.
▲ I may not be so nervous had the whole 'going to pre-school' thing gone quite well but it didn't. In fact it was a horrendous experience settling him in and one I don't think my heart could take doing on a daily basis with the new school. Yes, he has settled now but we only do a few hours a week and we had to drastically cut those hours to make it work.
▲ Throw in the fact that I'm going to miss him more than I can explain. You see I have it in my mind that because I'm going to see less of him it's going to be a terrible thing. How can it be good? We won't be in that little bubble of him and I, pottering in the mornings with our hour long cuddles before we start the day. Times will change.
▲ For the first time ever there will be daily outside influences that I can't control or actually help with him whilst there, if that makes any sense at all. He's going to be exposed to such a diverse range of children - how will he cope, how will I cope with that? He's such a good natured, gentle child and I don't want that changing in the slightest.
▲ Then there's the whole private over state school thing - what do you think? Do you make the huge sacrifice to do it - I would have to return to work full-time eventually and even then we'd have a life of poverty - how would both of those factors be for my boy? Is it really worth it? I went to state school and it did me no harm but then there weren't 30 in my class. It seems too large and I'm not sure it will suit my little one.
Huge decisions and time is running out. Our taster mornings are fast approaching and I'm desperate to know how he'll fare on them. The problem with me is I like to be organised, I'm impatient but indecisive - not a great mix. I want to know now what we're doing and which option will be the best, but it doesn't work like that does it.
Phew, I feel better already for writing this all down...
